Five myths that will kill any love relationship:
Music, movies, friends and fairy tales teach us how to love but they teach us the wrong thing. Accepting such lessons without question is dangerous to the health of your relationships. Here are five myths that can kill any love relationship. You'll be wise to avoid them.
- Love is enough.
- There is nothing to learn.
- If you love me, you'll _______.
- My mate will change.
- I'll do my half.
1. Love is enough: This is a lie. Love isn't enough to hold you together. You need to be able to communicate, understand each other, and solve problems together. There will be no happily-ever-after when all you do is to ride off into the sunset together. What the movies and the romance novels really don't tell you is that on the other side of that sunset, the next day, life together begins. And life brings with it challenges. At the very least, you now have to find out how to share the same house, the same room, the same bed, and the same money. In addition, you now have new friends, relatives, and strangers to deal with. It's no longer the dating scene. You don't go home at the end of the day, weekend, or whatever. You are now both home. Those charming things you like about each other are now with you all the time. There is no escape.
Closeness brings intimacy but it also brings a need to change and adapt. Change is difficult. You can tolerate only so much change without being affected. So getting married is a major change. The rules are different now. You can't even insulate yourself from these problems by living together first. In fact, studies show that living together before marriage is an indicator for a higher chance of divorce.
Even though you can't avoid problems, you can prevent their damage. What you can do is to create a safe environment at home where you can talk with each other. When you can talk without fear of criticism, anger, or any other lack of support, you can talk about anything. When you can talk as true partners on the same team, you can solve problems. As difficult as this is, once you have accomplished the task, you can use it forever. The book "Talk to Me: How to Create Positive Loving Communication" can help you create that safe environment so your love can prosper.
2. There is nothing to learn. Since love is not enough and you were probably not taught how to communicate and solve problems, it's time to learn. Even couples who have come from the best of homes probably never saw their parents solve problems. Parents rarely are able to teach their children the skills for handling difficult times and the skills for keeping love alive. There are skills to keeping romance from dwindling even when the children are crying and the job is a bore.
As you grow through life, you will change. Your partner will change.
Your relationship will change. If you stay open to accepting change, you can grow from it rather than resisting it. It seems as though we pass through phases as individuals on about a five-year cycle. We are constantly alive. Learning who you are and who your partner is can be a wonderful experience. Just remember that it doesn't stop when you think you have learned everything from the past. You have the present and the future to look forward to.
Some of the key skills for marriages include: handling money issues, communication, creating ground rules to keep the home safe from damaging conflict, handling conflict, solving problems, handling anger, building self-esteem, understanding and supporting your partner, decision making, compromise, and keeping romance alive.
Just being aware that there is so much to learn is powerful. Taking action will allow you to reap the fruit. This website, and books, and the links are designed to help you learn. Good luck.
Learning how to practice the art of loving will help you keep your love alive.