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Trash or Treasure
"One Man's Trash is another Man's Treasure"
Research has shown that we often see in others what we expect to see. People tend to behave the way we expect them to, because we influence their behavior, not just our own. We "pull" from others the behavior that is consistent with what we expect. Mind reading occurs when you assume that you know what a person is thinking or feeling. This kind of expectation becomes a filter that distorts communication. Studies show that expectations not only affect our perceptions but also can influence the behavior of others.
If you have dated and/or become acquainted with someone and you didn't like the person you were with it doesn't mean that the person is "bad" or "wrong". It may mean you did not "click" or have a positive experience. They might fall into your 25% of people that you don't like and that don't like you. It is very harmful to you and the person you were with to spread the word about your bad experience. Making a judgment and spreading the word could harm the reputation of that person. We are individuals and act and react to other individuals in different ways and in different circumstances.
Divorced people who remarry certainly would not have married their new partner's if they had listened to the partner's ex or the ex's point of view about this person. They waited and formed their own opinions about each other and then judged the person by how they were treated.
Listening to other people's opinions about a person's character and/or personality can be more harmful than helpful. If you meet this person with preconceived ideas about their character and personality you will more than likely draw the behavior from them that you expected to see.
Always trust your intuition when meeting other people. If you gut tells you a certain person is not someone you want to get to know better or be around then trust your instinct. If you have no intuitive thoughts about a person, then staying open-minded and not believing everything you hear about a person is a more positive approach. You can choose to wait and form your own judgments and opinions after getting to know someone without listening to idle gossip.
See article on Filters and What to do about them and Gossip
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